Biography
Who is this guy?
I am passionate in creating a safe space for others to explore and claim their humanity to live in joyful authenticity. I strive to be compassionate, guided by integrity and living authentically.
My life experience provides me unique perspectives. I'm a father, a brother, a son. In my career I am a retired US Air Force brigadier general, a former senior executive in the Department of Defense, a corporate vice president, a consultant, and a life coach.
Outside of the professional areas of my life I serve as an officer and on the board of directors for
the First Friday Breakfast Club charity providing scholarships to high school students advocating for equality and inclusion in their local communities. I am active in the ManKind Project where men gather in "peer-facilitated men's groups and supports men in leading lives of integrity, authenticity, and service."
I consider myself more spiritual than religious, guided by the Serenity Prayer.
Grant me the Serenity to
Accept the things I cannot change, the
Courage to change the things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference.
Health, fitness, and mindfulness integral to my daily existence. I enjoy working out, yoga, running, hiking, and cycling.
David Cotton
Podcasts Where I Tell My Story and the Stories of Others
graying rainbows: coming out later in life lgbt+
To get to know more about me, you can listen to Episode 50 of the podcast, Graying Rainbows: Coming Out Later in Life LGBT+, hosted by Dr. Ginger Campbell.
the vulnerable man podcast
Christopher Veal’s podcast, The Vulnerable Man, Episode 56, sharing my story related to being a vulnerable man, where I see this as a strength and not a weakness.
now playing
This month, David welcomes author and therapist William Brown, LPC, who shares his own coming out story, as well as essential advice for those making the hard decision to live a more authentic life.
Resources
Most Entries Have a Click Link Embedded
Coming Out Stories
- Frankly My Dear I’m Gay: A Late Bloomers Guide To Coming Out – Rick Clemons – https://www.rickclemons.com
- Coming True: Seeking Truth in Self Later in Life - Will Brown, LPC
- Coming Out: I Think I’m Gay ~ The Ultimate Guide to Self-Acceptance, Coming Out, Building a Support System, and Loving Your New Life ~ (How to Come Out of the Closet ) – Kevin Brison
- Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be – David Christel
- Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight – Dr Loren A. Olson, MD, https://www.lorenaolson.com/
- Fashionably Late: Gay, Bi, and Trans Men Who Came Out Later in Life – edited by Vinney Kineslla
- Our Family Outing: A Memoir of Coming Out and Coming Through – Leigh Anne Taylor and Joe Cobb
- Coming Out to Parents: A Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents - Mary V. Borhek
- This Book is Gay - Juno Dawson
- Coming Out Late — and Finding a New Life in Midlife | Charles M. Blow - New York Times 24 June 2023
- Spouse & Family Perspective
- My Husband Is Gay: A Woman’s Guide to Surviving the Crisis – Carol Crever
- The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families – Amity Peirce Buxton
- Over the Cliff: Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages – Bonnie Kaye and Doug Dittmer
- When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate’s Recovery Manual (Haworth Series in GLBT Family Studies (GLBTFS)) – Carol Grever
- Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men? – Dr. Joe Kort
- Facing A Mixed-Orientation Marriage with Gratitude and Hope
- Bisexuality, Monogamy, and the Art of Commitment - original article in Portuguese; link translates to English
- LGBTQ History & Perspective
- The Velvet Rage – Alan Downs
- Straight Jacket: Overcoming Society’s Legacy of Gay Shame – Matthew Todd
- 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives – Dr. Joe Kort
- Cracking the Erotic Code: Helping Gay Men Understand Their Sexual Fantasies – Dr. Joe Kort
- A Gay Man's Guide to Life: Get Real, Stand Tall and Take Your Place - Britt East
- The Ethical Slut: : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love - Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton
- Helping Gay Men Find Love: Tips for Guys on Dating and Beginning a Healthy Relationship - Israel Martinez
- Gay Like Me: A Father Writes to His Son - Richie Jackson
- Gay Men and the New Way Forward - Raymond L. Rigoglioso
- U.S. LGBT Identification Steady at 7.2% - 2022 Gallup Poll of adults (Lesbian 13.4%, Gay 20.2%, Bisexual 58.2%, Transgender 8.8%)
- Amid ‘unicorn hunters’ and sterotypes, here’s how bisexual people are finding support - USA Today via AmBi.org
- Personal Development
- Daring Greatly – Brené Brown
- Rising Strong – Brené Brown
- The ManKind Project - a passionate and purpose-driven brotherhood building and supporting the emotionally mature, accountable, and compassionate male role models that our communities so desperately need
- Podcasts, Audio, & Video Stories
- Graying Rainbows – Coming Out LGBT+ Later in Life – podcast - Dr. Ginger Campbell
- To get to know more about me, you can listen to Episode 50 of the podcast, Graying Rainbows: Coming Out Later in Life LGBT+.
- Making Gay History by Eric Marcus – podcast: powerful stories for the struggles for equality and recognition
- Jonathan Wilson: he was publicly outed 20 years ago on live TV. Here's what happened after that - powerful story of overcoming adversity and the subsequent success (video and print)
- Listen to Richard Rohr — Growing Up Men from On Being with Krista Tippett
- Life Un-Closeted by Rick Clemons (originally The Coming Out Lounge)
- He Said, She Said: The Art of Coming Out and Being a Late Bloomer: The Coming Out Lounge
- I’m From Driftwood | The LGBTQIA+ Story Archive: Coming Out Later in Life
- Choosing Gratitude and Hope | Matt Nightingale and Luanne Nightingale | TEDxSonomaCounty
- State of Pride: Fifty years after the Stonewall uprising, Oscar®-winning filmmakers Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman and host Raymond Braun travel to three diverse communities – Salt Lake City, San Francisco, and Tuscaloosa, Alabama – for an unflinching look at LGBTQ Pride, from the perspective of a younger generation for whom it still has personal urgency.
- One Last Haircut | A man comes out to his wife and breaks apart their family. Fifteen years later, we check back in. New York Times Modern Love Podcast, episode 290.
- Groups & Organizations
- Husbands Out to Wives (HOW): an international on-line support group for gay and bisexual men who are married to women and are out to (or working toward coming out to) their wives.
- PFLAG - is the United States' first and largest organization uniting parents, families, and allies with people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+). PFLAG National is the national organization, which provides support to the PFLAG network of local chapters. PFLAG has over 400 chapters across the United States, with more than 200,000 members and supporters.
- First Friday Breakfast Club - Des Moines IA: helps men in the coming out process; also a 501(c)(3) charity providing scholarship to graduating high school seniors for post-secondary education
- Prime Timers World Wide: social organization for mature gay/bi gentlemen
- SAGE In Support of Coming Out: Support Groups for OIder Adults
- SAGE | Advocacy & Services for LGBTQ+ Elders
- amBi | amBi is a social club with a mission. We are here to build a world in which our bisexuality is a clear source of pride, joy, and strength.
- Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Coming Out Resources: resources to help you come out and live openly at home, at work and in your community.
National Coming Out Day
October 11, 2020
Dear Friends and Family:
On this day, National Coming Out Day, I stand in solidarity with others taking this bold and important step in their lives. For some this is their first time to publicly embrace who they are, for others a reaffirmation in support of those that may follow their example in the future. For me, it is the former.
During the past two years I have experienced the power of vulnerability and the love that may result, and some pain. Vulnerability requires honesty and integrity, two attributes of human character I hold in high esteem. I always felt I was in integrity with myself, when in fact for the majority of my life I was out of integrity, not being fully honest nor true with myself. I never acted to deceive. I eventually reached a point where I could no longer live with this disconnect in my character. Society, culture, my chosen profession, all the excuse for keeping the authentic me repressed.
In February of 2019 I finally admitted to myself I am a gay man. In the long run, for me to best serve myself and others I had to accept who I am and not how I thought society expected me to be. This did not come without consequences. However, I am continually surprised by the love and support that has also been the result. I no longer suffer from the depression that I also hid.
My journey is still at its beginning with each day being a new crossroads. The family I still deeply love remains strong and has a been described as all being from the same root ball, each growing in the direction it needs to blossom and flourish.
At my core I am the same man I have always been; I have the same love for my family in my many roles in life…father, brother, friend…now I no longer live with fear, doubt and pain. My vulnerability has already been an example for others to address challenges in their life. While not my intention, I’m honored if expressing my truth can be an inspiration to others working through issues in their lives.
I am not seeking validation nor praise. I am asking for your awareness of the differences and prejudices that still exist in our society and how we need to create an environment where everyone can be free to live without fear of ridicule or prejudice.
David Cotton
#NationalComingOutDay
Journey To A Better Life
“Don’t let your wonder turn into closure.”
– Older, by Ben Platt